Trust me. This is truly a skill that needs to be learnt. Like any other talents, some people may be born with it, or is it really true?
I had my thesis 2nd crit yesterday, and was very upset after the whole thing. I had to stop my tears from coming before the whole of morning session crit ended. Once back into the studio, I thought I could put everything behind... until a friend came and asked, how was it? Though I answered, "not too good", it didn't stopped from asking further, "why?" Immediately I started tearing as I sat down... I think that must have shocked her... I just didn't want to talk about it anymore. I wanted to be alone.
I had always been like this. When I'm upset, I didn't want people to probe further. Unless they would have an ultimate elixir solution for me, otherwise leave me alone. However, this was not the only method to "console" someone.
Another friend did better. After noticing that I started raining non-stop (slight drizzling in fact), she came over and said, "It's alright, we've been through it too..." And she sat down beside me without asking what went wrong with me. However, it did make me feel better. At least now I had someone with me. Someone whom I feel I could "lean on" (not literally). With another guy friend, they started chitchatting, starting with what they felt about their own project, and then move on to other things. It was purely chitchatting as my mind moved away from that awful crit that I had. It wasn't that awful; I was just disappointed with myself, as usual. After pondering about it, I realised: ya... this was why I broke down when my first friend asked why was my crit no good. It just made me feel I'm so useless... And I couldn't do anything about it!
A personal incident like this helped me to understand myself better. Both friends with good intentions, but different approaches of trying out to find out what's wrong. Yet with different effects.
So I came out with a step-by-step guide which I hope is useful...
1) When a friend is upset, let her know that you're there with her. Don't ask what went wrong, or what's wrong with her.
2) If she wanted to talk about what went wrong with her, she will talk about it when she's ready. Otherwise, be with her and keep quiet. Hugging is allowed if you think she doesn't mind. If there's another friend around, try talking with each other, making sure you allow the upset friend to get involved if possible. Dont' get too carried away with your own conversation. Involve her by saying, "you know, ... "
3) Only when she's ready, she'll talk about what happened to her. Then you may offer advices or solutions as you deem fit. If not, help her to analyse what is wrong, and help her through the ordeal.
I'm sure this will not work on everybody, but I suppose it will apply to a guy friend as well, provided you're close to him. However, I'm assuming that my reader is a gal... Haha... nono, don't get me wrong. In any case, a guy friend may help to console a gal friend; a gal friend may also help to console a guy friend. A gal friend may also help to console another gal friend, but I'm not exactly sure if this will work when the situation concerns two guy friends. I suppose guys, when around with other guys tend to "act strong" and refuse to admit they're weak. Hence, I couldn't offer anything for such a situation.
Another lesson learnt!
